Just as a farmer planting crops chooses the right sowing season to produce a bountiful harvest at just the right time, God chooses the right season to plant His plans for our lives.
I’ve always loved God, since I was able to understand His love for me, and I’ve loved writing since childhood. It is my hope that this blog has been a reflection of both.
The year 2012, however, has taught me that some hard seasons arrive, and we must bear them no matter how unpleasant.
First was the devastating illness that claimed my husband’s brother. We spent many miles and hours traveling to help with his care beginning in January 2012 until his passing on November 19th. And then we spent another three weeks helping his wife with details of a service, the estate, and more.
During November, we learned that our son has cancer. A highly treatable form, testicular cancer, and yet the word “cancer” itself is unsettling, unnerving, unwanted. Our emotions are still tied in bundles as we await a visit with an oncologist.
While spending that last three weeks with our sister-in-law, I had not taken my laptop. Time didn’t allow for computers or writing. It meant a forced stepping away from blogging, emails, social networking, writing. Upon returning home, sadness has kept me away during the last month. It’s amazing how God provides time for us to sit with Him and listen.
The strangest experience of it all was how peaceful that time was. I found myself feeling free of certain “must do’s” each day and the need to keep pace with all of my fellow bloggers.
And I am still listening for God’s still small voice. I’m not certain just yet what He wants me to be about as His child for the season is changing. I can feel it, but I can’t yet wrap my arms around it. One thing is for certain — God wants more of me than I have given.
I feel He’s asking me to take stock of my family’s life and my role in it:
- to be a better wife as Bob and I travel the path He has set for us as a couple as we grow older
- to be a more caring mom to all my children, but specifically this son who is struggling with fear and unanswered questions
- to be available to our grandchildren and our great grandkids as a source of His love and guidance
- to be a better steward of my health and time
- to give to my community at large
- all in all, to be a better Proverbs 31 woman
In order to listen more closely to God’s guidance, I have decided to grant myself a season of retreat. For the next three months — January 1, 2013 – March 31, 2013 — this blog will, for the most part, be inactive. Starting now, I’m turning off comments. I am eliminating such distractions as social media and blog comments from my days.
My season of grief and sorrow is fading but I am uncertain about my future as a blogger. For me the competitive spirit that often exists to have the most comments, the best giveaways, and biggest link-up communities takes away from the joy of being a part of a blogging faith community. In the midst of all that, I feel I lose my focus on God’s mission for me online.
I have made many friends and hope that some of those friendships will continue. You may contact me via email, or find me on my personal Facebook page, but otherwise I need to retreat into a quiet space and time with My Master and listen for His Words.